The Silent Vigil

It's exactly one year since she left us.

When I first met Lakshmi, I was completely bowled over. How can somebody talk non-stop? How can somebody talk non-stop when you are meeting them for the first time? She did. It was our first day at IFMR. When I met her in the reception of the hostel, She said,'Oh! You are Karpagam? I know I'll like you.' How can somebody not fall for that charm? I did.

She was the most vivacious girl I have ever met. The brightest. The first thing you'd notice about her is the non-stop chatter. Nobody was spared from an insult including herself. And when that insult is directed at you with a sweet voice and an innocent expression, it takes sometime for you to catch on. But you could never get angry with her because you know it's all said in good humour. One the few which I received was, 'I dont like it when you come into my room.' I stood for a full 30 seconds with my mouth hanging open. Her eyes twinkled and I realised I had been subjected to one of her pranks.

Then out of the blue, one day, she left us. The culprit being a govt. bus which took a sharp turn and ran over her. She died just as she had lived. In a hurry. I'm sure all of us will remember the exact moment when we got the news. I was returning from the gym after an exhausting work out, my stomach growling in hunger and my legs begging for some rest. And as i read the text informing of her accident, all I could think was it cant be her. Surely, if there existed a God (which i seriously doubted) He would never have let this happen to Lakshmi.

Personally, her demise gave me a whole new perspective of life. Nothing is permanent. And life is too short to worry over trivial things. It's too short to be cautious. And most important of all, never hate anybody. Be a friend to all. Am mentioning this particularly because, though Lakshmi was quite popular, I was never a part of her inner circle. And I would have really liked to be her friend.

Now that she is gone I realise there are a lot of things which I would have liked to tell her. Like what an amazing person she was. Or how there was always a positive vibration surrounding her. Or how the way she had an answer for every single question thrown at her had inspired me. And this has also made me realise that it is important to appreciate people for all the good things they have.

It also raised a lot of other questions.. Is there an after life? Is Lakshmi watching us lighting the candles for her. Did she notice the tears pooling in some of her friends' eyes, while we lit the candles and prayed?

R.I.P. Lakshmi. You will always be remembered..

The bitter taste of Humiliation

Disaster!!

There's a table tennis competition tomorrow. And I, being my arrogant and over-confident self, failed to practice for it. Now am looking down the barrel of defeat.

I accept it's a bit early to say this. But I know myself, don't I? During a practice match today, I played the worst game I could have ever played!

Ok. A brief flashback.

I picked up table tennis during my tenth standard. We had one table in our school, two bats, number of curious students and one over-worked father(the christian one)who was the coach. Play-time was after school or during lunch, whenever we could sneak some time. Later when I went to Avila (one of the best convents in TN), to my dismay I found out that there were players who played at the state level! And down went my confidence of wielding the TT bat like a virtuoso. College came and with it the novelty of being the only female table tennis player! can you believe that?? In a college with almost seven hundred students I was the only player! The physical education sessions used to be a torture since I had to play with guys and they resented every minute of my presence there since I was relatively a novice.

Particularly one of my seniors loathed me since the PE ma'am asked him to coach me for the inter college tournaments. Day after day, he silently endured the torture of playing with me since I couldnt hit 2 shots continuously. When I went into second year, a girl joined the junior batch who was a district player and i'm sure my senior heaved a sigh of relief. TT was my escape portal at that time.. As much as I could, I spent my time the indoor stadium.

Fast forward 4 years and here I am at IFMR. The past two years formed, and still forms, an unforgettable chapter in my TT history.. There are people who are passionate about TT and are extremely good at it. Whenever I see them play, it is always with a sense of wonder.. They spin and twirl and smash the ball left, right and center. And all I can do is wonder if I'll ever play at that level. Again the cycle of being the only active female player continues here and usually I ended up being the only girl in a room filled with boys. But hey! this is IFMR, the B-school! Nobody casts a critical eye on you if you play TT at 5 in the morning with a bunch of guys!

After almost an year of near monopoly in which I was the unchallenged womens player, one girl joined the junior batch who blew me off.. When I first saw her, i thought 'well, here's a greenhorn'. In the first match we played, I was cocky and I swaggered to the table. By the time I came to my senses, she had raced ahead to 8-1 That was a wake up call for me. Now all I had in my mind was that I should reach double figures before I loose. And let me tell you, I had push myself to my ultimate limits to do that. The score was 21-11 when the game got over! Mentally, she had given me a hard shake..

A week ago, we got to know of this competition. The gap between the last match and the practice match, had dulled my memory of the humiliating defeat and I was under the impression that I lost because I was not in my full-form then. As the game progressed, I felt the déjà vu of that long forgotten game. The score was 6-0 and the rest... well, take your guess! Humiliation and defeat are my tags, when she is concerned. The only consolation is, she beat one of the best guys in my batch! Some consolation, huh? :D

Tomorrow what will happen? Will it be a re-run of the old match? Keeping my fingers crossed!!